Revised: Manny (and Ortiz) Tested Positive; We’re Here for You, Red Sox Nation

As a courtesy to our readers, we are updating a previous article chronicling Manny Ramirez's 2009 positive PED test and our support for Red Sox Nation. Via ESPN:

Manny Ramirez

and

David Ortiz

were among the 104 major league players listed as having tested positive for performance-enhancing substances in 2003, lawyers with knowledge of the results told

The New York Times

. The two were key members of the

Boston Red Sox

World Series championship teams in 2004 and 2007.

The lawyers did not name the substances for which Ramirez and Ortiz tested positive, The Times reported. Ramirez said he found out about the report on television while flipping channels in his hotel room. He told ESPN that he shrugged, and kept flipping channels. "Me and David, we're like two mountains," Ramirez said. "We're going to keep doing good no matter what ... Only God is going to be able to move those two mountains."

I don't normally like to feed or even encourage the type of juvenile bickering that goes on between Yankee and Red Sox fans, so let me just say this.

Nothing can

No need to

make up for the

lackadaisical

AL East leading

play of the Yankees over the last few weeks.

Nothing will wipe away

The

five

eight

games in a row they have lost to the Red Sox

are just a memory

. Nothing will make that G*d damned steal of home by Jacoby Elsbury and the ensuing laughter on the Red Sox bench disappear from my memory anytime soon. But

for the second time

in three months

, the Red Sox got their own black eye. Manny isn't with the Red Sox anymore so this doesn't directly impact them in the present.

But Manny has only played 80 games with the Dodgers and if one is to

We

assume

d

that Manny ha

d

gone down the steroid road

before

Major League Baseball has instituted such harsh rules,

well, it's reasonable to think that Manny went there before, isn't it?

and now it turns out it was true.  And not only did Manny test positive, but his batterymate, David Ortiz, tested positive as well.  What many considered the best 3-4 combination in the majors (and maybe since Ruth and Gehrig) was actually infused by performance enhancing drugs.

In the case of Manny, we can be reasonably certain that his use continued from 2003 through his positive test for a masking agent in 2009.  Regarding Ortiz, we only know that he tested positive in 2003.  That's enough, though.

So, guess what Red Sox fans? Manny's Red Sox career, 1083 games, 158 OPS+, 274 home runs?

TAINTED.

Ortiz's Red Sox career, 940 games, 146 OPS+, 245 homeruns?  TAINTED.

Manny's 2004 campaign, you know, with the 152 OPS+ and 43 home runs?

TAINTED.

Ortiz's 2004 campaign, with the 145 OPS+ and 41 home runs?  TAINTED.

Manny's 2004 postseason campaign of .353/.423/.500?

TAINTED.

Ortiz's 2004 postseason campaign of .400/.515/.764 with 5 home runs?  TAINTED

Manny's 2007 postseason campaign of.348/.508/.652 with 4 home runs and 16 RBIs?

TAINTED.

Ortiz's 2007 postseason campaign of .370/.508/.696?  TAINTED.

The Red Sox 2004 Wild Card birth and first World Series victory in 86 years? 

TAINTED.

The Red Sox 2007 AL East championship and World Series title? 

TAINTED.

Welcome to the club, Red Sox Nation.  The steroid family hasn't had an increase in membership this size since Balco, but we're glad to have you aboard.  There are a few places here at the club that you should be made aware of as you make your way through this long journey. The first door on your left is the

Denial Room.

If you're having trouble accepting the fact that your main offensive force

s

of the last eight years

were

steroid user

s

, you should visit here first.  We've furnished the room in rusted beams and scaffolding and given the bathroom an eerie sewer smell to make your confines feel more like Fenway.  Here, you can watch film of Manny

and Ortiz's

various successes, listen to sportscasters calling

Manny

the greatest

natural hitter

of his generation, and reflect on the various treatment the Fenway faithful have given visiting steroid users, like this.

Our latest addition is the Big Phony wing, where you can review such legendary Ortiz quotes, like

"I don't do that anymore because they don't have the approval for that here, so I know that, so I'm off buying things at the GNC back in the Dominican Republic... I don't know if I drank something in my youth, not knowing it.”  And this precious gem:

“I would suggest everybody get tested, not random, everybody.”

And if someone tests positive, David? “Ban them for the whole year.”

•

Please be warned: not all seats face the monitor so you may experience a slight crink in your neck.

Next, we have the

Acceptance Room.

This room will help you come to terms with the fact that the majority of the success the Red Sox have achieved through Manny

and Ortiz's

tenure was tainted.  To bring you back to your previous state of mind, you'll watch film about the selling of Babe Ruth, the 1978 Boston Massacre, Bucky Dent's home run, and little Aaron Boone in the 2003 ALCS.  We'll also look at a special retrospective on The Three Kings, a reflection on the great Nomar, A-Rod, and Jeter debate, complete with half-drunk Red Sox fans shouting Nomar and pointing at their pajamas, plus a summation of the three players careers to date.  Finally, we have a special video for you called "Hypocrisy," where we juxtapose various quotes from modern day Red Sox and their opinions on beanings over video of such Red Sox greats as Pedro Martinez and Roger Clemens. Finally, there's the

Moving On

room.  There really are no bells or whistles in this room.  It's simply a chair with Enya playing in background.  The purpose of this room is to relax the mind and strip away the arrogance of the last four years that was wrongly placed there by your

tainted

team.  A few weeks in this room and you'll be back to wearing regular clothes, cease throwing half-empty beers at people, and eventually lose that ridiculous accent. It's going to be a long journey for you, Red Sox Nation, but we know that your previous 86 years of constant failure have made your charter members a strong unit. As for the band wagoners of the last four years, may we introduce you to the Tampa Bay Rays?