A-Rod Brings the Laughter

The gutteral cackling could be heard across the Charles River, down I-95 past the clanging bandits of the Indian casinos, along the New York Throughway and into an unfinished coliseum of Goliath proportions.  It was the final FU from a five year old debt, partially paid back with four games of utter humiliation and two World Championships to zero.  And still, the laugh finally healed those old wounds, ripping off the bandages as if five years were only yesterday. Alex Rodriguez, the man who might be king if he wasn't one of the stranger freaks playing a child's game, was exposed this weekend as a steroid user.  That the sports world seems shocked and appalled proves how naive half the greater populace is and the utter inanity of the other half. A-Rod is A-Opportunist.  He's proven it with every shifty move he has made since leaving Seattle back in 2000.  At that stage, with the baseball world clamoring for his services, he chose greedy money over common logic, depositing himself in the middle of Texas of all places on a team that went 20 games below .500 the season prior. Yeah, sure, there was hope.  There was optimism.  But there weren't results.  The Rangers were just as bad with the overpaid Rod as they were without him.  Ironically, or serendipitously depending on your persuasion, the team improved dramatically in the Rod's absence. By that point, the Rod had realized that Texas ain't for everyone, especially someone as attention hungry as the Rod, so he enlisted the Devil himself to orchestrate a trade out of big sky country.  Heck, the generous SOB even offered to lower some of his $22 million salary to play at Fenway, but the fatheads at the player's union wouldn't set that precedent. It then appeared that Aaron Boone was following up his Dent-like ALCS home run with yet another slap to the hapless Red Sox.  Boone again played the dutiful soldier by tearing a knee ligament during a pickup basketball game.  Inexplicably, in a moment of pure honesty, he admitted it, giving the Yankees the wherewithal to fire him, cancel his contract, and trade the windmill Alfonso Soriano to Texas for the Rod. Egos being egos, and Derek Jeter harboring a grudge against his former pajama partner, the Rod moved to third base, despite being a hell of a lot better shortstop than the captain.  No harm, no foul.  The Yankees got the best supposed non-steroid hitter and the Red Sox were left red-faced. Five years and two World Series victories later, the Red Sox are red with laughter.  The Rod, despite two MVP Awards and a ten year $50 billion deal, has failed to live up to YankeeLand expectations.  The Nation of Red Sox would tell you it's sweet revenge, despite the fact that the Rod wanted to be a Sock, but frugal management didn't want to pay his freight. No one knew that the Rod's freight consisted of bitter divorce, cougar pop-star trysts, Canadian strippers, "I-just-want-to-be-loved" syndrome, coupled with a desire to achieve so strong that he simply makes himself fail. And there is the crux of the problem.  In the Rod, we have a player that is everything a successful ballplayer should be: fast, agile, powerful, patient.  And in the Rod, we have everything that a player shouldn't be: greedy, dependent, self-conscious, self-loathing, jealous, unable to get out of his own way.  The Conventional Wisdom would tell you that a player as talented and as accomplished as the Rod shouldn't be battling such ludicrous demons.  After all, how does one achieve the success that he has without being able to get past such things? The Rod's positive steroid test is no reason for rejoicement, but that won't satiate the jackals out on Landsdowne Street.  History can't tell if the Red Sox would have hoisted two banners with the Rod on their team, but his near Boston miss and eventual New York landing only confirmed to the Yawkey diehards that the Yankees were money and the Red Sox were reality.  After the large contract Giambi admitted his use and now the Rod, the Dirt Dogs will no doubt thank karma for bringing this type of revenge.